Sell, sell, sell...

I was thinking last night what else it might be possible to sell through this blog. Tiger and Posie: a room and a very reasonable price it is too. Dayo will be promoting his Jam (when he has made it), though i am still of the opinion that he should focus his efforts on a mango chutney (according to a wise man / alcoholic in INDO, Brick Lane is where to find the best mangos in London), as it is more in keeping with our community.

I have already tried my hand at a spot of self promotion. I might even throw my CV up here and make if available as a PDF download. For those of you who don't know how to write a CV, or you just want a few tips, mine is a damn good CV (though you will have to ask yourself whether you would want careeers advice from the unemployed). Anyway i thought today we might have a crack at entering the murky world of internet dating.

I have had first hand experience of the world of internet dating, or what might best be described perhaps as a brief dalliance. The end result being i didn't have sex with a girl from Haywards Heath (or somewhere equally nowhere), though she did send me some rather risque photos she had taken on her mobile (though a few of them you had to look at a few times to get the "angles right"). She was also a little over enthusiastic with her sexy emails and texts and took to ringing me sometimes three times in an evening, even when i made my excuses she continued to get in touch...almost stalkerish. This probably confirms most peoples prejudices on internet dating. It confirmed mine. You also get robbed by Sarah "if i can do houses i reckon i can probably do relationships" Beeney. I think she owes me about forty quid, even if you meet someone that is an expensive shag. I'm sure in the less sulubrious areas of Kings Cross (are there any salubrious parts of Kings Cross?) you could recieve quite alot for forty quid.

At the moment, when at Dayo's flat, I am partial to reading a chapter from Dawn Porter's Dairies of an Internet Lover, it is what one might call "Bookdope" or "Litsmack". You know it is wrong - but you cant help it.

I used to like Dawn Porter, I think what I mean is fancy. Anyone who lists there interests as sushi and sex is alright in my book, but then I began reading. Ahh...its fucking diabolical, so poorly written, "jokey", irritating and patronising. Though it does contain passages where she describes six hour "wankathons", which does make up a little for the rest of it. Though it is a bit like Lady Chatterley's Lover where you skip most of the book to find the dirty bits. Diaries... is I think supposed to be a bit naughty, which it might be but it is everything but sexy. It is hardly a feminist manifesto...though there are a lot of men in it. Who again, on the most, confirm all theories on those who date via the internet.

So i am going to have a go at flogging (I said flogging) myself off - plus I am, after I have written this, off to sell myself to ANOTHER recruitment agent, so this is good practice.

So it reads a bit like this...unemployed, gauche, caring, intelligent, opinionated, frustrated writer, angry, loving, over emotional ex PR man...the list could go on.

Tempted? I thought not but if you are, then like my busty friend from Haywards Heath please send a photo (preferably not wearing much) to the address below.

Actually on second thoughts don't. You nutters!